Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Today's post was submitted by Bill Stern of Positive Being 

When I was very sick with AIDS, I felt untouchable.  For over three years, no one touched me or saw me naked, except my doctor.  Then a kind soul offered to give me a discount massage.  That massage changed my life.  Just being touched by loving hands made a huge difference in how I saw myself.  At the same time, I was in a drug trial that affected my sight so that I could no longer drive, nor read.  I was at a loss at what to do, when this same kind soul suggested I become a massage therapist.  I attended a weekend workshop to put my toe in the water, so the speak, and that was all I needed.  By the end of that weekend, I had enrolled in massage school and conceived the idea for Positive Being, providing donation-based massage to people with HIV.  We opened our massage clinic on Jan. 1, 2000.

That wasn't enough, though.  I asked myself:  how do we bring men with HIV together, not just for a getaway (which in itself is healing) but to connect with each other - literally as well as figuratively?  That's how "Exploring the Body Positive" was born.  Over the years I refined my skills and ideas and asked my friend John Olesen to facilitate with me.  We finally raised enough money to present it for the first time in 2007 and we've been offering it every year since then.  (The reason it's so expensive is because we  defray the costs through scholarship money.  Positive Being is an all-volunteer organization, so nearly every donation goes directly back to clients in the form of massage or scholarships for Exploring the Body Positive.)  

The weekend itself is a joy for me as an HIV man and a facilitator.  I find it an honor to witness these men come up the mountain with their body shame and anxieties and leave exultant.  Over the years, people who have met through this workshop have coupled up, became friends, or just stayed in touch.  Sharing a profoundly transformative experience like that creates a special kind of intimacy, like a brotherhood.  That's why I volunteer my time and why I love going.  

One of the things that seems simple, but struck me (in a good way) about the workshop is how we all relate to each other - in a very heart-centered way.  You don't learn what people do for a living or if they are on disability, or whether they rent or own, etc.  There's no chatter about real estate or software engineering.  instead there's a deep sharing from the heart about whatever going on for us at the moment.  After trying to mingle with singles, this kind of meeting was such a relief - and a pleasure.

For me, what makes the weekend unique is the way that safe and nurturing touch is incorporated.  I thought about this a lot.  How do men touch each other?  Violently, sexually, athletically maybe...but we rarely have an intention to touch each in a nurturing way.  This is what we do part of each day to ground ourselves in our bodies (since processing about our HIV experience can beheady).  It's a delicious way to both give and receive that rare kind of touch that leaves one feeling loved, nurtured, healed.  That's why our motto is:  Healing Through Touch.  This is how we demonstrate, in fact embody, that motto.

Exploring the Body Positive takes place on May 9-11, 2014 at Wildwood Retreat Center, near Guerneville.  For information about the weekend or the scholarship fund, call Bill Stern at 415 821 6477
You can also find out more at:  http://positivebeing.org/

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